Wedding Lessons

On my calendar was an event that loomed so large it occupied my thoughts for months. It was both an exciting event and one that filled me with dread, or as they say in AA, “impending doom.” Gathered there would be dear friends and others I’d not seen in years. Given all that had happened in my life, there were bound to be people glad to see me and others who were not. I had no choice but to board the plane and be as present as I could, and it has led me to want to share how I made it through.

Step one: Put one step in front of the other. I’ve heard others say, “Feel the pain/dread and do it anyway.” Every bone in my body wanted to turn and run away, and yet that was not an option, so I had to keep walking forward. I needed to take deep breaths and be present as best I could through whatever might come.

Step two: Modify my focus. When thinking only of myself, the anxious waters rose above my nose leaving me unable to breath, but when I thought of others, they receded. “It’s not about you; it’s about them,” was my mantra and that reminder transformed the experience. There were times I started drifting back toward a self-centered way of looking at things, but remembering to focus on others made all the difference.

Step three: Remember, my worth is not found in others. A wise soul once said, “There’s an audience of one.” By that, he meant God, whose opinion is the only one that ultimately matters. We live in a world where we often fall victim of living for the approval of others. That works well for those who live impressive lives, but it is hell (literally) for those of us who have not. People see things (and people) not as they are but as THEY are, and we do not have the ability to control what others see, think, do, or say. Everyone has wounds and those wounds influence the way they see the world and those around them. To remember that everyone has their stuff, whether they’re willing to admit it or not, can bring fresh air for one’s soul at life’s most challenging moments. Like so many things, it’s easier to say than do, but with practice it can lead to a freedom beyond compare. Suddenly rolled eyes, snarly smiles, and overt dismissiveness lose their power.

As you can imagine, there were wonderful surprises during that special event, and other moments and people who challenged me at my core. In the aftermath, I can only look at my part and own what I did well and what I could have done better, but it’s clear that the entire weekend – the good and difficult – was a microcosm of this thing called “life.” Most of my days are not as dramatic as the ones that have just occurred (thank God), but these taught me important lessons.

Maybe they’ll help you, too.