Happy Places

This week, I received a number of Instagram posts showing pictures of beautiful places with the caption, “My happy place.” There were pictures of beaches, camps, mountain sunsets, and even a pilot looking out above clouds. It was a fascinating collage, each of which filled a friend’s soul, but it made me wonder if everyone has such a place?

There are many places in which I’ve been happy. The most effective places involve nature in some way. Sitting beside a waterfall, walking beside a dramatic sea, watching a colorful sunrise or sunset are among my favorites. I once went to such a place and was filled with a happiness the likes of which I’d never felt. It made a lasting impression, and I tried to go back to the exact location so I could feel the same elation, but much to my surprise and disappointment, I sat on the very same rock, looking out at the very same view, and felt nothing. It was still beautiful. It just didn’t stir my soul as it once had. 

I remember a New York Times wine critic being asked what the best bottle of wine he’d ever had was. Given his access to priceless vintages, his answer surprised everyone. It was a bottle that anyone could find in a grocery store. He’d opened such a bottle while rowing on a lake on a misty evening with the woman who would eventually be his wife. Years later, they returned to the same lake and opened the same wine on one of their anniversaries, but it wasn’t the same. It had nothing to do with the wine, they learned.

So it is with happy places. The happiness comes from somewhere beyond mountains, sea, or wine. Certain places can open our hearts in wonderful ways, but the happiness lies elsewhere. It cannot be manufactured, manipulated, or bottled. Happiness is a gift, a gift wrapped in many packages. When given, we should receive it with grateful hearts, and not clenched fists. We should give thanks not to the gift, but the one who gave it, our true happiness.

 Extra Credit:

1.  Where is your happy place?

2. When you are there what is it that fills your soul so?

3. Is it the place, or where your heart goes when it’s there? 

Changing our Swing

June 3

Changing our Swing

He went to see a golf instructor to get help with his game. He was a functional golfer, as he liked to put it, but wanted to improve his game. The instructor identified a number of things he could improve. Shift your grip, he said, widen your stance, and focus on your rhythm. Under his watchful eye, the man was successful, but when he went off by himself to practice it was as if his entire game had unraveled.

I smiled as he told me his story, not because I took delight in his struggle, but because I knew what it was like to try to improve something and watch as things actually felt like they were coming apart. Most recently, it happened in my personal life. 

I began working with a wonderful therapist not long ago. She was a pro, someone told me, and I was eager to address things which were getting in my way of living an authentic, meaningful life. After listening to my story, she made suggestions. She challenged long-held beliefs, questioned stories I’d been telling myself, and poked and prodded me in uncomfortable ways. In her office, things made sense, but when I left to practice what we’d talked about it was as if I was losing my mind. Emotions I hadn’t felt in years resurface and it felt as if my inner life is unraveling.

“That’s what getting well is all about,” she told me. “It begins with the courage to try. It continues with making changes. Then, it’s about weathering the uncertainty of living life in new ways.” During a particularly rough day, I clung to her counsel and trusted the way I was feeling was a part of getting better. I wanted to return to my old ways so that the waters will settle, but that doesn’t lead to new life, so I carried on.

Extra Credit:

1.     When have you tried to make changes in your life? (e.g. at work, in a relationship, in your spiritual life)

2.     Did things feel like they got worse before they got better?

3.     Did you weather the storm, or return to the way things were before?

Life and Death

I heard a heartbreaking story last night. It came from a dear friend who’s a nurse. When asked about her work, she said it had been a hard week. For most of us that means missed deadlines, lost accounts, or difficult co-workers, but for her it was a matter of life and death. Of the many moments she described, it was the last story that stuck with me. A woman suffering from COVID-19 had reached the point of surrender. She wasn’t going to make it and asked my friend to help her facetime her family since they were not allowed to enter the hospital. Taking the woman in her arms, she lifted the phone and allowed the woman the chance to say goodbye before dying moments later.

As painful as it was to hear, I was struck by the contrast between the work a nurse usually does, and the work my friend ended up doing. As a nurse, she’s called to provide the care for patients so they can get better, but in this case there was nothing she could do. Well, that’s not exactly true. There was something she could do. She could take the patient in her arms and lift the phone. Usually she works to help people live. In this case, she helped someone die.

The story broke my heart. It also filled it at the same time.  

Extra Credit:

1.     In what way have you served another person and made their life better?

2.     Have you ever been unable to help or solve the problem?

3.     If so, were you able to offer your presence in the midst of the un-solvable problem?